Introduction YOGHURT
by Lioneh
Summary: 1/100: 'Introduction'. When Genesis winds up at Lioneh's house, what he finds is a whole heap of yoghurt...and hyperness. Semi-AU! Contains no yaoi /but a lot of ranting on yaoi/ and no cursing. Slight GenesisxOC /TINY AMOUNT/ . Genesis non-yaoi one shot.


**NOTICE TO ALL! O:**

'kay guys. The views expressed in this fan fiction are completely my own and I only wish to state my opinion. I do not intend to cause any harm to anyone by writing this, though if it offends, back away slowly and never venture near this one shot again. I've used strong language against yaoi and it is honestly how I feel about the subject. Please bear in mind that I cannot force you to take down your yaoi fan fictions…but you cannot force me to take down my anti-yaoi fan fictions. If you don't like my 'vulgar and vicious language' that I've used in this story against yaoi, by all means, don't read it. I won't mind.

Ahem. So my apologies if this offends, which I'm sure it very well might in some cases. I'm just really, adamantly against the yaoi that involves Genesis Rhapsodos…and all other FF characters, but him especially. Now, to finish up…

Lioneh: -drags Genesis in by the wing- Say the disclaimer with meeee! -whimper-

Genesis: -sigh- Only because it's for a good cause.

Ly & Gen: All things that are related to Final Fantasy VII in this fan fiction belong to Square Enix.

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Her hand reached into the cold depths of the refrigerator. Closing her fingertips around the yoghurt container, Lioneh grinned spastically.

"It's…YOGHURT TIME!"

Lioneh whipped the yoghurt out of the fridge, squealing with delight as she and Yuffie dashed to the lounge room, spoons in hand. The fridge slammed shut. Lioneh bounced next to Yuffie on the sofa as the Little Mermaid came on screen.

"This is what we call a dingle hopper!" Lioneh and Yuffie imitated the actions of the seagull with their yoghurt covered spoons. The movie continued.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Ooh NOT NOW!" Lioneh squeaked angrily.

With the yoghurt all over her hair and face, the crazed friend of the Great Ninja Yuffie stomped off to answer the door. "WHAT!?" Lioneh spat in an angry, high pitched voice. A few globs of yoghurt flung off her spoon in the process. The figure at the door doubled over in laughter, while Lioneh looked on in disapproval.

"Excuse me, Genesis, but you are INTERUPTING something _very_ IMPORTANT!" Lioneh shouted, her cheeks on fire.

"Heh…like what?" Genesis inquired, smirking.

"Umm…a party…" Lioneh responded quietly, trying to hide what she was actually up to.

"My soul, corrupted by vengeance. Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey. In my own salvation, and your eternal _slumber_." Genesis added an emphasis on the last word. "So, you're having a slumber party with Yuffie, watching the Little Mermaid and celebrating with yoghurt, am I correct?"

"How did you know that!?" Lioneh exclaimed, exasperated. Genesis laughed, pointing towards the window where Yuffie was frantically giving him messages of what she and Lioneh were doing. The crazed ninja immediately froze when Lioneh turned to look. Grinning sheepishly, Yuffie waved and mouthed, 'hi!'

"Argh, this was supposed to be a secret…" Suddenly, Lioneh's eyes lit up. Genesis stepped back a little, knowing that _that _look meant something suspicious. "Well, unfortunately, now that you know…you're now an official member of the 'LIONEH AND YUFFIE YOGHURT PARTY CLUB!" Giggling, the crazed teen grabbed Genesis Rhapsodos by the wrist and dragged him inside, the spoon still in her hand. Slamming the door shut behind them, Genesis reluctantly followed Lioneh into her lounge room, where Yuffie was now contently watching the TV with a tub of yoghurt on her head.

"Okay, Genny. Stay right there. I'm getting you some yoghurt. I hear it's worse than milk!" With that, Lioneh dashed into the kitchen, soon returning with a tub and a spoon. Upon her arrival, Lioneh gave a fan girl giggle, handing the 1st Class SOLDIER the icy container of mango yoghurt. Genesis gave a dejected sigh, sticking a spoonful of yoghurt in his mouth.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, with scenes of the little mermaid herself swimming joyously around the screen. Leaning forward in his chair, Genesis began to wonder why exactly he had bothered to stop by Lioneh's house in the first place. His left hand rested on his pocket, where a shiny copy of LOVELESS resided. _Hmm…I could drive them all insane and quote LOVELESS endlessly…_

"Okay. I'm sorry Yuffie, but I think we've just about done this movie to death. We need something new…some flavour!" To Yuffie's protest, Lioneh got up from the sofa, pointing the remote at the DVD player and hitting the 'eject' button. With a menacing laugh, Lioneh kneeled down in front of the TV and quickly changed the discs in the player. Returning to her seat, Lioneh gave a smug look, waiting for the reactions of her ninja friend. Both Yuffie and Genesis waited in anticipation for the screen to load, wanting to know what exactly Lioneh had placed into the player.

"Wait for it…wait for it…" Lioneh whispered, eagerly watching the screen as the piracy warnings screamed out messages from the TV. After a few moments, a familiar song to all present in the room began to play.

"OH YES IT'S MY- oh wait…that's Sephiroth's theme…not mine…" Genesis hung his head in sadness. Unfortunately for him, there was still some rivalry between the two SOLDIERS. Lioneh giggled evilly, adjusting the audio settings and pressing the 'play' button.

"Yes, that's right! IT'S ADVENT CHILDREN TIME, BABY!" Lioneh squealed, watching excitedly as the usual scene of Reno of the Turks in the chopper played on the screen.

"But that's not fair! I'm not in this one!" Genesis complained, doing puppy eyes.

"Ahah! I'm in this! Ooh yes!" Yuffie squealed in delight, bouncing up and down on the sofa.

"Yes, unfortunately for you, Genny, you were sleeping. Under Midgar. Missing out on allll the action…" Lioneh taunted, poking her tongue out at Genesis. The redhead simply pouted, slumping in his reclined arm chair.

"Lioneh…this bit's borrrinnnggg…" Yuffie trailed off, tugging at Lioneh's orange shirt.

"Okay, fine." Lioneh rolled her eyes in frustration. "I'll skip to the part…hmm…I know! Where that really ugly Bahamut is summoned by Kadaj…seriously, couldn't he have summoned Bahamut ZERO or something!?"

Lioneh pointed her remote at the TV, skipping through the scenes until she arrived at the desired part. The footage of the screen panned upwards, focusing on Rufus Shinra and Kadaj standing in the scaffolding on a building at floor 13. While the uninteresting parts played, Lioneh dashed out into the kitchen and began rummaging through her fridge. When she returned, however, she found Genesis buried in his copy of LOVELESS and not paying any attention at all to the movie. Lioneh growled, taking one of the three apples she held in her hand and threw it at Genesis, narrowly missing his head.

"Hey! Watch where you throw!" Growling, Genesis put his book down, glaring at Lioneh. Despite his menacing appearance, Lioneh just gave him the most adorable look that she possibly could. Unable to hold the glare, Genesis looked down, chuckling to himself. With a silent cheer, Lioneh handed Yuffie an apple and retrieved the one she had thrown, giving it to the SOLDIER with chestnut hair.

"Look, I know it's not dumb…but it's still an apple, right?" Lioneh said, giggling. She bounced onto the sofa once again, biting into her bright red apple. A climatic fight scene had just begun with Reno, Rude, Loz and Yazoo all partaking in the battle. All three winced as the sign collided with Rude's head, soon followed by Reno.

"Hold it!" Genesis exclaimed, grabbing the remote off Lioneh and going backwards a few frames. "Aha! I knew it. That's a sign promoting LOVELESS." Genesis, looking smug, felt very satisfied with himself. Whirling around in her seat, Lioneh stared at the redhead with wide eyes.

"How on earth did you see that!?" She exclaimed, waving her hands in the air for an added effect. Genesis turned his head to face her, lifting up some of his bangs with a gloved hand.

"Mako eyes." Genesis said softly, smirking.

"Oh. Right." Lioneh said, her cheeks burning. _Pfftt…mako eyes._

Turning back to the movie, the scene switched to Cloud and his friends fighting off Bahamut SIN.

'Oh, oh! Look at me go!" Yuffie exclaimed as she saw herself running up a wall. "I defy gravity!"

"…don't you _all_ defy gravity?" Lioneh sighed, bringing a palm to her face. "Just about every aspect of Final Fantasy VII defies gravity. Seriously. Come on, who can fly with one wing anyway?"

"Uhh…I can?" Genesis laughed, ducking his head when Lioneh glared at him.

"…prove it to me, Shakespeare boy." Lioneh poked her tongue out at Genesis, smiling smugly to herself afterwards.

"…how do you think I got here?" The redhead raised an eyebrow.

"Well…well…Cloud could have dropped you off here with his motorbike…yeah…" Lioneh stuttered, trying to make up an excuse. "OKAY fine. You win. You can fly…IN CIRCLES!"

Giggling like a mad woman, Lioneh went red in the face, the thought of Genesis flying endlessly in circles in her head. Genesis sighed, shaking his head at the crazy fan girl that sat before him.

"Look, do you see me stumbling around the room from being dizzy? No." Genesis muttered, leaning his elbow on the arm rest.

"…no, I guess I don't. But I'd like to!" Lioneh giggled madly, closing her eyes tight with laughter.

"Exactly. Now…back to LOVELESS…" The SOLDIER with chestnut hair muttered, taking his copy of LOVELESS in his free hand, studying the page he was on. Meanwhile, Yuffie was transfixed on the TV, seeing herself holding an armful of colourful balls of materia. Lioneh, seizing her chance, sneaked out of the lounge room, tip toeing off to her bedroom for a moment. What followed nearly broke both Genesis and Yuffie's eardrums.

"AHHHHHHH!" An ear-splitting scream resounded throughout Lioneh's house, causing Yuffie to shout herself. Genesis simply put his book down and shrugged at Yuffie, both confused at what had set Lioneh off. "It burrnns…it BURNS!" Lioneh exclaimed from her room, whimpering in her office chair.

"What burns, exactly?" Genesis poked his head in the doorway. Lioneh spun around in her leathery chair, tears staining her face.

"…you really don't want to know. Really. You don't." Lioneh shook her head in disbelief, proceeding to bang her head on her computer desk. "…no more…please…YOU'RE BUTCHERING HIS CHARACTER, I TELL YOU!"

Genesis had now gained interest, peering down at the computer screen in front of Lioneh. His aqua blue eyes scanned the white pages of 'FF . net', a horrified gasp escaping his lips.

"What in gaia's name!?" Genesis exclaimed, his eyes widened in shock. Brushing his hair out of his face to read the screen better, he took another look at the webpage. "You've got to be kidding me…that…is so…freaking…WRONG!"

Meanwhile, Lioneh was quietly sobbing at her desk, her head buried in her arms. Slowly raising her head, she pointed shakily at the screen.

"T-this is what…I didn't want you to see…" Lioneh stuttered, her sadness now slowly turning into rage.

"They put me with SEPHIROTH!?" Genesis shouted, glaring at the screen with fire in his eyes. Grabbing the tablet pen, he proceeded to scroll down, all the more horrified at what he was witnessing.

"…and…Squall? Who the HECK is Squall!?"

"Trust me…Genny…they've done…so much worse…" Lioneh whispered, looking up at Genesis with pure horror on her face. "They call it 'yaoi'…and they write it for a living."

Genesis didn't respond. He clicked a few times on the screen, then took hold of the wireless keyboard from the computer. After lying the keyboard on top of the desk where he could reach, the redhead began typing furiously.

"Wait, wait! Flaming them won't make it stop. Trust me. My friends have already tried it. They just flame us back."

"I. Don't. Care." Genesis spoke bluntly, pouring all his fury and rage into the extremely angry message that he was typing.

"…fine. But make it anonymous…or I'll have my butt on fire by the end of tomorrow." Lioneh grumbled, gagging as she saw the yaoi-infested screen again. Genesis was now hunched over the desk, kneeling down on his knees as he continued his rant. Lioneh stared blankly at what he was writing, her face breaking into a slight grin as she read his message. "Okay, okay! Don't make it too angry!" Lioneh laughed as Genesis ended the message, concluding it with, '_I am completely disgusted. As Genesis, I am repulsed at what sick fantasies you think up about me. I AM NOT GAY. Honestly. Now go write something that's actually CANON. - Genesis Rhapsodos, SOLDIER 1__st__ Class.'_

"Sadly, they'll never believe_ you _of all people actually wrote it. If they like you so much, you think they'd respect your character, wouldn't you?" Lioneh said, folding her arms with satisfaction. "Now send it…I think they need to hear what you think."

"Oh, trust me. I'm not finished with them yet…and neither are you." Genesis grumbled, picking himself up from the floor. He reached a hand out to her, motioning for Lioneh to follow.

"Oh boy…I can see where this is going." She said, a mischievous glint her hazel eyes.

"Well, are you in?" Genesis questioned, waiting expectantly by the door.

"You betcha, Genny." Lioneh grinned, nodding her head. Without another moment, Genesis walked over towards the front door, swinging it open. A cool breeze rushed in, causing Lioneh to shiver a little bit. "Where exactly are we going?" She raised an eyebrow, confusion written all over her face.

"We're going to put an end to all this." Genesis muttered, proceeding outside into the cool night air. "_My soul, corrupted by vengeance. Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey…in my own salvation, and your eternal slumber._"

Curiously, Lioneh followed the redhead outside, wondering _how_ they were going to put an end to the yaoi. "Take my hand, Lioneh." Genesis offered his gloved hand towards her.

"…um, okay." Lioneh put her hand in his, looking up at him with confusion in her eyes. Before she knew it, Genesis had scooped her up into his arms, quickly spreading his jet black wing from his left shoulder. "…!?" Lioneh gasped, unexpectedly holding on to Genesis for dear life as he took off from the ground. Her hazel eyes widened as she saw her house turning into a mere dot among the landscape below her as the wind billowed her hair around her face. Holding onto her tightly, Genesis soared into the night sky, feeling the gusts of wind brush against his sides.

"Now tell me…we can't possibly be the only ones against yaoi, can we?" Genesis questioned Lioneh, who had her eyes tightly shut while she clutched onto him, her arms latched around his waist.

"Well…no…" She stuttered, a little frightened at her circumstances. "There is Dani… or Final Hikari…"

"And where exactly would they be?"

"Um. One lives a few kilometres away…but the other…lives in America…" Lioneh laughed at the last part, opening her eyes to see Genesis wide eyed at the word 'America'.

"There is _no way _that I'm flying all the way to America…" Genesis muttered, shaking his head. "I'll take you to the other one's place, but we'll need a better strategy from there, okay?"

"No problems, Genny." Lioneh responded, still holding tightly onto Genesis, who by now was beginning to slowly descend. "I'll tell you how to get there…"

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed the introduction to my 100 themes challenge! I probably should have written this first, before I started…but I only came to it now. Eeheh. -sweat drop- So this leaves me with…95 fics left to write. Final Hikari and Septasonicxx are assisting me with this too! :D Much love to them If you're interested in participating in the challenge to write 100 one shots about Genesis Rhapsodos that are yaoi free and safe for all to read, just PM me! :D Have fun!

- Lioneh the cheetion!


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